


Walls

by corporalfuckinglevi (orphan_account)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Acute myeloid Leukemia, Cancer, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eren has Leukemia, Eren lives with Armin and Mikasa, High School AU, Leukemia, Levi is a bit OoC, Love at First Sight, M/M, Modern AU, Panic Attacks, Sarcastic Eren, Terminal Illnesses, poor eren, punk Levi, sick Eren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-09
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-03-29 16:34:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3903220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/corporalfuckinglevi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You have built these walls around yourself so high that, no matter how hard I try, I cannot climb over. I cannot break through. And, most terrifying of all, I cannot get to you.<br/>-<br/>Eren Jaeger had never planned to do much with his life. He didn't plan on meeting Levi, the new French kid in school, and he certainly didn't plan on his doctor telling him his diagnosis. Eren has Acute Myeloid Leukemia, and Levi is going to try his hardest to break down Eren's walls and set him free.<br/>-<br/>High School AU in which Eren develops leukemia, and Levi still falls head over heels for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Outset

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my lovelies! Just a fair warning here, read ALL of the tags before reading this story. I do not want anyone reading and being triggered because I would feel so guilty. This story is emotional and the main character (Eren) has leukemia. I love you all very much, and I am in this for the long run. My updates cannot be too frequent, for I do not own a laptop, but do intend to obtain one very soon. Thanks for reading, and if you would leave a comment on what you think, I would be so grateful! <3

I am weak.

Strength does not course through my body, only weakness. I am sick, I think. I have a cold, or, I am cold? I don't know. I have been lying in bed for days. My body hasn't summoned enough strength to push me to find food. I only lay under my white comforter, my head pressed against my pillow. I can barely feel my body, and when I do it's because of my shivering. 

I feel so cold, even with the heat on and the warm comforter wrapped around my body. My whole body is sweating, but I am freezing. I take in shaky breaths, and try to fall asleep.

This soon fails, because Mikasa knocks lightly on my door, and wiggles her way in, trying to keep the light from the hall out of my room. She walks over slowly, carrying a glass of water and some painkillers. She sets them on my nightstand and moves her hand towards my head. My brown mess of hair is pushed out of my eyes as her palm rests on my forehead.

"You're burning up, Eren," she says, voice full of worry.

I lean into her touch a bit, and close my eyes.

You see, Mikasa is my sister. Adopted sister, at that. Not that that makes me love her less, but I feel like she takes care of me much more than the average sister would. Mikasa is 17, a senior at Trost High School. She's at the top of her class, the best at everything school and work related. She's the only sibling I've ever had, and the only one I ever hope to. 

Then, there's Armin. Armin is not only my best friend, but he's also the one who gives me the best life advice. He's 16, like me, and we're both juniors at Trost. Armin is number one in our grade, and I'm sure he always will be. He spends so many nights studying when he could be out partying, and that's what I like about him. He keeps the calm cool around here. 

Then, there's me. Eren Jaeger. I am, well, let's just say I'm not as high on the charts as those two over there. My grades have been slipping lately, mostly because I haven't been feeling too well and have been going home from school early. I stopped going at all after the first few times of going home, and now it's been a week. Armin thought I might have the flu, but I wanted to wait it out. I'll go to the doctor when my body decides to start working.

Mikasa, Armin, and myself live in an apartment together, a very cheap one at that. Though, we are living together so we can split the cost of rent and make things easier. Sure, I always fall short on my half, but hey, what are you gonna do? None of us work, but since it's Mikasa's senior year, she's been trying to find a job.

I open my eyes, and Mikasa has left. Maybe I had fallen asleep? Who knows, I'm up now. I take the water from the dresser and down the pill, my head swimming from sitting up. I set the glass down and unwrap myself from the bedsheets. Once free of the mess, I take a deep breath and set my feet on the floor. I push myself up and sway slightly, my legs wanting to give out. Why am I so weak?

I slowly shuffle to the bathroom, where I do my business quickly, because all I want to do is sleep now. As I am about to leave the restroom, I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the grimy mirror. My face is pale, cheekbones hallowed out, and I am sweating buckets. I lick my dry lips and leave the bathroom, deciding it is time to go get this checked out.

I wiggle out of my shorts and pull on some sweats, because I am  _not_ going to the doctor in booty shorts. I have to keep blinking quickly to see straight, because I am still disoriented. I pull on my green Trost hoodie, and slip on a pair of black converse. I couldn't care less what I was wearing right now, I was just so tired of feeling sick.

I walk out of my room slowly and start my journey to the living room, where I suspect Mikasa is lounging. As I approach the couch, I realize I am right and mentally high-five myself.

"Mikasa...?" My voice cracks on her name, and she turns my way.

"Eren! You should be in bed, resting," she sighs, before standing up and walking towards me.

"I think I need to see a doctor, Mikasa," I manage to get out. She nods her head and walks past me to grab her car keys.

"Come on Eren, I'll drive you right now."

*

When we arrive, I am far too weak to even get out of the passengers seat without assistance. Mikasa and I walk into the clinic, and as I take a seat in the waiting room, Mikasa fills out my forms. I lean back in the uncomfortable chair and look at my surroundings. A television is hanging on the wall, playing some food networks. A rack of disease-infected magazines is to my right, and more uncomfortable chairs line the room. I sigh then, realizing why I was putting off coming here in the first place.

Mikasa comes back a few minutes later, telling me that we'll just have to wait until they call us. Yes Mikasa, hence 'Waiting Room'. I shift around in the uncomfortable chair for a bit and stare at the television, but really I am just exhausted. I am too tired to do anything but just sit here, in this disgusting waiting room. Finally, my name is called.

"Mister Eren Jaeger?" A nurse in pink scrubs is poking her head through the door, gesturing for me to follow. Mikasa and I get up, and Mikasa squeezes my hand.

"You should wait here," I tell her. Though she is persistent, she sits back down as I follow the nurse down a yellow hallway. I don't think I need Mikasa to baby me at the doctor anymore. The nurse leads me into a room identical to all of the others we just passed, and tells me the doctor will be right with me. I take a seat on the weird bed looking thing that's covering in wax paper, cringing at the crinkly noise it makes. I close my eyes and rest until the doctor shows up.

"Eren! How are you! I am Doctor Hanji Zoe, but you can just call me Hanji!" A tall woman with tied up brown hair and glasses, Hanji, I now know, has wedged herself into the room and has taken a seat near the bed. She is beaming, her perfect smile making me feel a little on the uncomfortable side.

"I, uh, I'm Eren, yes. I'm actually not feeling too well, Hanji." My words are choppy and I am taking deep breaths now. I shift a bit on the paper, feeling a little lightheaded.

"Oh, yes! It says here you might have the flu?" Hanji looks over her clipboard, then back up at me. I nod slowly before responding.

"I don't think it's the flu, though, I mean, it seems like it but..." I trail off, but Hanji just offers a smile.

"I'll run some tests for you right now! Would you mind having your blood taken?"

I shake my head and she gestures for me to move off the bed. We walk down more hallways, and end up at an area that has a chair and a little table. I take a seat as Hanji says to do, and she gets a needle ready. She wastes no time in sticking in the needle and drawing my blood. I watch the blood go up the tiny tube and into a little container. It's a distraction from the discomfort of the needle in my skin, and from how sick I am feeling. I wince as she pulls it out, and she takes her samples to another room.

She comes back, pulling a bandaid out of a box in a drawer nearby, and a cotton ball as well. She patched me up and gestures for me to stand.

"Thank you so much for coming in today, Eren! I will call you later, when I have the results. I hope you feel better, try to get some rest!" She gives me a hug and leads me back to the entrance, where I meet with Mikasa. 

"How did things go? Are you alright?" She bombarded me with questions, but I simply answered that Hanji, or the doctor in this explanation, had taken a blood sample and was going to call when the results came in.

Mikasa drove us home, but went back to town to go grocery shopping. I picked up a package of poptarts from the kitchen before heading back to my room, where I drank some more water and wrapped myself up in more blankets. I munched on the snack as my mind started to wander. 

I had a bad feeling about this.

 

 

 


	2. Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I got another chapter written down, and even if it's shit, I want to update regularly. I don't want to forget the ideas I have when I think of this story, so I write them down. Thank you so much to anyone who reads, or leaves a kudos/comment! Love you!

Beep! Beep! Beep!

I was still sick and lazing around in bed when my alarm went off Monday morning. Ugh. I stretched and then checked my clock, which read 6:45 AM in bright red numbers. I slapped the alarm until it shut up, and then rolled out of bed.

I slowly made my way to the bathroom, when I brushed my teeth and hair, barely able to move my arms. I showered then, because I realized I hadn't done much cleaning during the week. As I stepped out, I looked at my chilling reflection.

The only food I'd been able to get inside of me all weekend was the pack of strawberry poptarts. Mikasa had kept the kitchen stocked full of food, well, not entirely full. See we still do have a money issue, but Mikasa has been trying her best to get me better. She's brought me my medicine, food, and cleaned up my room when I was and wasn't in it. She'd washed my clothes and even bought me some new ones, as if to cheer me up. I tried telling her it was pointless, that I'd be over it by the time school started, but I was apparently wrong. Damn.

I got dressed properly today, pulling on some jeans and a green long sleeve, since I was freezing. I attempted to fix my hair, and all the while kept thinking of putting it in a ponytail. It was getting too long, and I just hadn't been motivated to go get it cut.

I left my hair be, tied on some black converse, and headed out my door to the kitchen. When I got into the kitchen, I saw Mikasa on her phone, eating some cereal, and Armin leaning over a huge book.

I took my seat at the small table, not feeling very hungry.

"How are you, Eren?" Mikasa asked when she looked up from her phone. I'd snapped at her so many times about babying me, that she'd learned to hold back.

I offered a small smile and stood up to grab my backpack from its spot at the door. I felt dizzy when I slung the heavy bag over my shoulder, and tried to hold my footing.

"Eren are you OK?" Armin asked worried from his spot at the table.

"I'm fine," I managed to get out, before opening the door. "You guys ready?"

Armin grabbed the cheap cars keys and headed towards the door as well.

*

The results hadn't come back from Hanji's office yet. I was starting to worry that something was wrong. No, I knew something was wrong. I just didn't know what.

At school, I sat and zoned out in all of my classes, until lunch. I went to the bathroom a few times, feeling dizzy and wanting to vomit. I check my reflection a few times as well, still scared of what I saw. I looked terrible.

Once it was lunchtime, I headed to the cafeteria. I picked up my tray from the line, and put only a sandwich and my water bottle on it. I walked to my usual table, by myself. Armin and Mikasa took different classes, and even so, Mikasa's party friends swept her away and Armin's Mathletes did the same to him.

I took a few bites of my sandwich, ham and cheese, before I couldn't be bothered anymore. I downed my bottle of water in that time, and just sat there until the bell rang. Before the bell rang, however, my eyes landed on someone walking into the cafeteria.

He wore black skinny jeans, some band tee I'd never heard of, black boots, and a leather jacket. He wore all sorts of jewelry, from piercings in his face to rings around his fingers, speaking of his fingers, the were painted jet black, the same color of his undercut hair. His hair was partially in his face, oh, his face.

He had this blank expression, like he didn't really give one shit about anyone else in the room. He had cold, gray eyes, that I didn't realize we're staring back at me until he got too close.

Oh shit, I was staring. Great, now he thinks I'm weird. Way to go, Eren, you shit. He took a seat in front of me, not bothering to get his lunch. He didn't have a backpack on him, so I could only assume it was in his locker. Wait, who is he? I've never seen him around before.

"Why are you sitting alone?" He asked, confusion spread across his features. I realized how thin and dark his eyebrows were, and how long his dark lashes were.

"I, uhm, I-" I was having trouble getting words out of my mouth when this beautiful man was sitting right in front of me.

"Don't hurt yourself," he smirked. I smiled awkwardly before attempting to talk again.

"I don't have that many friends, and the ones that I do have get taken away to sit with their cliche clique shits." I knew I probably wasn't making sense to this stranger, but I didn't really give a shit right now. I'm sick, don't fucking judge me.

He raised an eyebrow, oh, a perfect, thin eyebrow. Goddamn Eren stop thinking about his eyebrows.

I looked down then, my cheeks a bit flushed. I kept my eyes down until the man lifted his pale hand and placed it on my chin.

"What is your name?" He asked, his voice hinting an accent I couldn't quite place.

"E-Eren, my name is Eren, Jaeger, uhm, I'm kind of sick so you shouldn't touch me."

The punk man took his hand away from my face and wiped it on his pants.

"Gross, brat, I was trying to be polite."

"I-I'm sorry! I should said that earlier..." I trailed off, looking into his eyes.

"Levi. I'm a senior. I moved here from France a few months ago, just got around to going to school today."

He cocked his head, looking down at my clothes and back up. "And you?"

"I'm a junior, this year, uhm, yeah school is shit, I just zone out about 100% of the time." I offered a small smile and saw his eyes sparkle with amusement.

"Give me your phone," he said then, and I didn't hesitate to pull it out and hand it to him. He searched through it, since I didn't have a password (who would want to steal Eren Jaeger's phone?), and it looked like he inserted his number into my contacts.

He handed it back to me, and indeed, his number was there. I labeled him as 'Grumpy Punk' and slid my phone back into my pocket. The bell was about to ring for lunch to be over, so we both stood up.

Before I could get halfway out of the cafeteria, my phone started to buzz incessantly. I looked at the caller ID. Hanji. Damn. I gave Levi a look and said sorry, and that I'd text him later. He gave me one of his smirks and waved as he left for whatever class he had.

I answered the phone and stepped outside one of the cafeteria doors.

"Hello?" "Eren! How are you feeling!?" Hanji's cheery voice almost broke my eardrum, but I continued to listen to her ramble.

"I-I'm fine, Hanji. Still sick. But I'm at school now."

"Oh," her voice went low a bit, "Eren your blood tests came back. You're still sick, you say?"

"Yeah, uhm, I feel really weak and dizzy, not very much better. What did the tests say?" I anxiously awaited her answer, if I would be okay or what prescription she would give me.

"Eren, uhm, I'm afraid I have some bad news, you may want to take a seat," Her voice was no longer cheery, and because of that, I was starting to shake.

The cafeteria was empty now, class had already started. I couldn't care about that right now. I took a seat at a table and took a deep breath.

"What is it?" I questioned, my voice trembling on its way out.

"Eren, your blood tests show signs of cancer. You've been sick for a long time because your immune system has had trouble fighting off the illness. Our tests say that you have had leukemia for almost a year, Eren, but your symptoms just started to show up. I'm very sorry. I'm afraid all we can do is prescribe meds, but if you don't come in for treatment, you won't have very long."

I couldn't breathe. My knees became weak, and now I was glad that I was sitting down. Oh my god.

I can't breathe.

_I can't breathe._

I'm dying. I'm actually dying. I knew it. I knew something was wrong. _  
_

I heard Hanji trying to calm me down over the phone, but I couldn't understand what she was saying. I couldn't hear. Only my heartbeat, which would soon cease to exist. It was all that was going through my mind.

I hung up the phone. I couldn't listen anymore. I think she might've called me back, but I couldn't feel my phone buzz. I walked out of the cafeteria, and grabbed my backpack out of my locker.

I texted Armin, telling him I needed to go home, that I'd explain when they got home. I pulled my own set of car keys out of my pocket and left the school, going out to my car.

I drove slowly, carefully. No need to get myself killed quicker than was set. I still couldn't breathe properly, still felt like I was dying. Am I having a panic attack? Is this what a panic attack feels like? Am I already dead?

When I arrived home, Mikasa texted, asking if I was alright. I replied, saying that I was feeling sick, and that I'd tell her what had happened when she got home. 

I closed my eyes, tried to even my breathing, but failed miserably. Tears were about to come and I didn't want to break down in the kitchen when they did. 

I made my way to my room, where I bundled myself up in blankets, feeling like throwing all of my insides up and into the toilet.

Again, for the millionth time that day, my phone buzzed. For fucks sakes, I don't need anymore shit today, okay? I just want to wallow in pain before I cry my eyes out.

I pulled my phone out from my pocket and check the small, bright screen.

**From Grumpy Punk:**

_Hey you little shit, I heard from that blond coconut that you went home early, are you alright?_

No, Levi. Nothing is alright. And I told him just that.

**To Grumpy Punk:**

_No._

**From Grumpy Punk:**

_Anything I can do?_

I thought about it. Then I texted him my address.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Not sure when the next update will be, but I'll be editing the existing chapters. Thank you for reading/commenting/leaving kudos!


	3. Tranquil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren tells Levi, and gets a phone call from Hanji.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! This chapter is depressing, and it contains only Eren and Levi. Sorry if I'm not that good with doctor talk, but I did research this cancer before writing this. AnyHOOZLES, enjoy!

I had four hours until school let out, and Mikasa and Armin would be home.

I checked for a reply from Levi, but there wasn't one. I saw that he had read my message, the one stating only my address. I clicked my phone shut and just lay there, waiting for the darkness of my room to swallow me whole.

Unfortunately, that didn't happen. A few minutes of resting my eyes later, the doorbell rang. Fuck. I didn't wanna get out of this warm cocoon.

Eventually, I threw off my heavy comforter and stood up, feeling like shit, but not as shitty as before, you know? I didn't feel as sick, but thanks to the news from Hanji, I wanted to hurl my guts into the toilet.

I made my way over to the door, passing the kitchen on the way. Damn, I was hungry. I sighed and grabbed the doorknob, and twisting it. Before me stood a god, well, a punk god.

He was as perfect as he was at lunch, but now his eyes were full of worry. He started to blend in with the greying clouds above, and I just stared at him before looking down. I couldn't even be happy that he was here; I'd just met him and here I was, craving his presence.

"Can I come in?" he asked, when it started to drizzle.

I nodded quickly, my heart beating faster. I led the way inside and he closed the door behind us. I made my way to the kitchen in search of food to make. I found a box of pasta, I assumed it was Armin's but pulled it out anyway.

My eyes were dropping and my steps were small, I was so tired but I didn't want to sleep anymore. Levi stood a few feet away, looking at me carefully. He walked up to me, took the pasta from my hands and led my to the couch.

"I'll make this," he gestured to the box, "and you rest here."

I didn't want to make him work, but he persisted. I let my eyes close a bit, but whipped them open. No sleeping, not now. You have the rest of your dead end life to sleep. I stood up and walked to a barstool at the counter.

Levi was boiling the pasta, and was pulling out some meat and tomatoes. We didn't have much food around, but Levi seemed to make do. He looked my way a few times, giving me a slight smile.

"How was your day?" I asked him, trying anything to distract myself. I was genuinely curious, he was an interesting person to me. I loved the way he dressed and I was willing to bet anything that he was very smart.

"Ah, well, you got me out of going to English. Which, is good, it's very boring, considering I already know everything about it. High school is kind of behind in America, isn't it?" He looked my way and smiled, his tone hinting sarcasm.

I tried a small smile but it quickly fell. I guess he noticed. He walked over, leaving the pasta to boil in buttery water.

"Why are you so sad? You can talk to me you know, I am making you pasta." 

"The phone call," I started, "the one I got during lunch. It was, uhm. It was my doctor, Hanji. Just gave bad news is all."

"Hanji? I know her, we hang out sometimes. Kind of weird, she's been my doctor since I transferred, but she's okay. What did she say?"

"I've had leukemia. For about a year now. I just... didn't know. Symptoms just started showing, she said..." I trailed off, not really wanting to talk about it anymore.

Levi wasted no time rushing to the other side of the counter to embrace me in a tight hug. I slowly wrapped my arms around him as well, basking in the leather smell. His head was burrowed in my neck, his fingers pinching my back.

"I'm fine, Levi. Just in shock right now. I don't know if I'm going to start crying or what but I really am fine."

"You're not fine," he whispered, lifting his head up. Tears pricked at his eyes but didn't fall. He looked so sad, why? Why did I make him sad?

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to dump this on you. I don't wanna make you sad, I just..." I was shaking my head now, trying to focus on my breathing.

He moved his hand to my shoulders and then pulled away, looking toward the kitchen and avoiding my gaze. I think maybe the tears had started to fall from my own eyes, because I felt something wet on my cheeks. 

Levi drained the water from the pasta and let it cool, grabbing a knife and cutting board and chopping up tomatoes. I'm guessing we didn't have sauce? He opened the package of meat and a pan from our stash, and started to cook it.

"Thank you," I started. He turned to look at me and I was silenced. 

"It's no trouble, I'm just making you food." He shrugged like it was no big deal. But it was. It meant the world that someone had decided to acknowledge me, let alone cook for me. Sure, Mikasa constantly acted like a mother, but I felt like she did that because otherwise she would feel guilty. Levi, though. Levi was different.

Levi was kind, and beautiful. He left school to come check on me. I had doubts that anyone else would've done the same. Levi cared, even if he was shit at showing it.

He finished cooking the meat and mixed it in with the sauce he made, which I had no idea where it had come from. I guess I was too busy thinking about him to even notice what he was doing. 

Finally, he grabbed a bowl from a cabinet (after several failed attempts), and served the pasta and meat sauce. He placed it in front of me and went in search of a fork.

"Drawer on the right," I whispered, but I knew he had hear me. He pulled out a fork and inspected it, looking kind of disgusted with its quality, but gave it to me anyway. 

I smiled at him then, gesturing for him to make himself a bowl. When he did, he took a seat next to me.

I twirled my pasta around, scooping in a few bites. He did the same, glancing over at me more than several times. I appreciated his concern, I just didn't know what to do with it.

"I'm sorry," said the voice from beside me. Sorry? It wasn't his fault. Suddenly, a thought popped into my mind.

"I'm poor."

He looked at me in confusion, but then he realized. 

"Eren-" he started, but I cut him off.

"I can't pay for therapy. Or treatment, nothing. I don't have the money. Even if I did, it's too late. It's too late for me, Levi. A year. I've had it for a year and I didn't even know. And now..." Tears were filling my eyes again and I dropped my fork into the bowl. He pulled me into his arms and put a hand on my head. I started to cry then, and it got really ugly.

I squeezed my eyes shut, but my tears continued their journey downwards. My breathing got heavy and uneven, and I starting sobbing. I didn't like crying, not one bit. Who does? I feel like I hate it more than anyone, though. I didn't want to cry, let alone in front of Levi, or anyone for that matter.

We stayed like that for a while, him holding me and me sobbing into his shoulder. I stopped after a while, still hiccuping, but no more tears fell. My eyes were red and swollen, but Levi still looked at me adoringly.

He placed his hand on my cheek and wiped away my tears. He looked right at me with those silver orbs of his and his lips turned up a bit.

"You're going to be okay, Eren."

I smiled back. 

"No, I'm not."  
*  
Levi and I finished our lunch, then washed the two dishes together. Well, Levi stole my dish and washed it, then dried it as well. I think he has a thing about cleanliness. I don't really mind, because I feel weak and just want to lay down.

When Levi was finished, I grabbed his hand and led him to my couch. We both sat, but it wasn't long before we ended up laying partially on each other. Levi was propped up against the arm rest, and I was laying on him, my head resting on his chest.

Eventually, we turned on the television, and SpongeBob was playing. Heh, SpongeBob is funny. Levi didn't seem to think so, but I saw his lips twitch a few times when I burst out into laughter.

We lay like that for what seemed like hours, well, it was 2 hours to be exact. I pulled out my phone and checked the time. 3:39. Damn, Mikasa and Armin will be home in a bit. I'm willing to bet my left arm they're going to bombard me with questions.

I looked up at Levi, his eyes still fixed on the screen. I mentally noted I need to tell him how beautiful he was, but not now. Now, he had to leave.

"You have to go," I barely got the words out, I didn't want him to leave. He made me feel safe, he was here for me. Though, I could've texted Armin or Mikasa to come home and comfort me, but I didn't. Fuck.

I hadn't told Armin. He was going to flip. How do you tell your best friend that you're dying of cancer? I hadn't told Mikasa either. They're going to fucking hate me for waiting until they got home to tell them. Mikasa is going to go all primal instinct on me, get all of her money together to try to pay for therapy, but I won't take it. I don't need it. There is no point waste your time on useless things when you're going to die anyway.

Levi looked at me then, and sighed. "I know."

"I don't want you to go. But, I haven't told anyone else. And, well my roommates need to know and... I don't want them to know."

"Eren... You're going to have to tell them. And, if things get bad, you call me, okay? I'll come get you, or just talk to you, all night. I'll take you wherever you want to go. Okay?"

I nodded then, and looked back at the television. I held my palm out to Levi, and he took it, squeezing it reassuringly. We stayed like that for a few minutes, until the silence and SpongeBob were interrupted. My phone.

I stole a glance at Levi before pulling out my phone and answering. Hanji. Fuck.

"Hello? Eren? Are you alright? I gave you some time before calling again, I'm just making sure your okay. Are you? How do you feel? Have you told anyone yet?" Hanji threw questions at me left and right. I wanted to tell her to shut up, but she's my doctor, gotta get those meds.

"H-Hanji," I tried talking over her until she stopped completely, "I'm okay. I went home, I've only told Levi. He's here right now."

"Levi? Oh, I think I know him! Is he short? Kinda mean looking, have a French accent?" Ah yes, Levi was right.

I looked at Levi and smiled. "Yeah, that's him." Levi smiled back and squeezed my hand again. He still looked at me, and I him; both awaiting new information.

"Listen, Eren," I drew my attention back to Hanji, "if you want to stop by my office, I can prescribe you some meds. It'll make you feel less sick, if you still are."

"Yeah, yeah I'll swing by later, but first I've gotta tell my family. That's going to be a mess..."

"Eren, I don't mean to make matters worse, but, there's seething you should know." I didn't like the way she sounded. Enough bad news for one day, thanks.

"What is it?"

"Well, you see, there's a procedure. We could give you a bone marrow transplant, but it's very expensive. I don't know if it will work, you're already too far along to tell. But, if you do want to try, just tell me."

No. I couldn't, could I? I didn't have the money, for one, and I wouldn't want to risk it, waste all of that money when it didn't work.

Levi seemed to hear what Hanij had said, and he looked at me expectantly. I just shook my head at him. He frowned.

"No, Hanji, I just, I can't do that. I don't have the money. I don't have insurance, nothing. And I'm not willing to do it anyway. It would be a waste. Don't spend time on me, please."

"Oh, Eren," she sounded sad, "just, uhm, just rest, okay? And be careful, don't use too much energy. And uhm, spend time with your family, okay?"

She sounded completely depressed. I guess I did too, and I felt a lump build up in my throat. I took a deep breath.

"Okay. I'll talk to you soon, Hanji. Thank you."

I hung up instantly. I kept my head down for a moment.

"Eren?"

"Leave, please. Mikasa and Armin are probably on their way, and I can't have you here yet." I kept my eyes down, not wanting to look at him and his perfect face. I didn't even deserve his presence, yet here he was. 

"Okay," he shifted on the couch, about to get up, but placed a kiss on my cheek.

"Be safe, Eren. Call me." 

He sounded so worried, but he left. Not two minutes later, Mikasa and Armin arrived.

Well, here goes nothing.


	4. Fighter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren tells Armin and Mikasa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Have you missed me? Still wishing I had a laptop, it's very hard to get motivated to write when I have so much work to get done at school. How are you guys? Hope you're enjoying the fic! Sorry if I don't have all things right when it comes to writing about the cancer, but I haven't known anyone with it. Anyhoo, enjoy!

I heard the front door open and close, followed by footsteps approaching the kitchen. Oh, here we go.

I wasn't exceptionally sad anymore, just anxious. Anxious of what was to come of this disease, and what I would become. I didn't want to be like those little kids in the hospital, spending the rest of their lives in an uncomfortable bed. I wouldn't let it get to that. I would fight, even though I knew I was fighting in a losing battle.

I was lost inside my head, but Armin's soft voice brought me out of it.

"Eren? Are you alright? I was worried all day; why did you come home early?" He was so worried. But why? He shouldn't be anymore. I'm a lost cause. Forget about me already. I've got a ticking clock.

I looked up, and twisted my body to look over the couch. Armin stood there, his math textbooks clutched in his hands. His ginormous backpack, full of so many books and interesting stories. He wore blue jeans and a white button up. Light colors always looked good on him, given his light complexion; his huge sky blue eyes, and blond hair that stopped at his chin.

Oh Armin. He didn't need someone like me in his life, because he had his whole life ahead of him. He was so bright and full of life, and I was now the complete opposite. He was going to be a doctor, or an engineer, one of those smart people. Not me. I wouldn't have the chance anymore.

It wasn't like I was going to do much with my life, anyway. Besides my art, which wasn't as great as I thought it was, I had nothing going for me. This all hit me once I saw Armin. And now he was going to fall apart. And because of me.

I sighed heavily, ready to face this.

"Where's Mikasa?" As soon as the words left my mouth, she entered the room. Armin and I turned to her.

She didn't have on her backpack, and came in from the kitchen door. The ravenette had her hair up in a ponytail, probably because she had just gotten out of PE. She was always on her feet; either exercising or hitting the books.

"I was going to make dinner, but I think we'll just call in for pizza. How does that sound?" Mikasa looked over at me then, and worry hinted at her features.

"What happened, Eren? Did you get into another fight? I swear I don't want to have to drag you to the hospital again." That stung more than it should've, but it was reasonable why she would think that. See, I had a niche for getting into fights with the jocks, mostly Jean. Fuck Jean.

I looked at her steel eyes and gestured for the both of them to sit. Armin placed his books on the coffee table, and Mikasa strode over. When they were both seated, I prepared myself.

"Hanji called. My doctor, she called, at lunch. That's why I left, and, she told me, uh..." I had a hard time putting the words together in my mind and speaking them. "Eren?" Armin looked at me worriedly, and Mikasa was stoic.

"I have leukemia." I nervously shrugged the words out, shaking my head. Armin sucked in a sharp breath, gripping my hand. Mikasa went off her rocker.

"Eren! Why didn't you call me? Why didn't you call us? We could've driven you home, we could've taken you to the hospital or to the doctor or somewhere! We have to go, go pick up meds from Hanji and... and..." She trailed off, unable to continue because of the sobs now racking her body. Her anger had faded, and now tears were staining my green sleeves.

She was gripping my arms and squeezed her eyes shut, as if to stop the tears from falling. Too late. Armin's grip on my hand tightened, and now his big blue eyes were filled to the brim with tears, now spilling down is cheeks.

I remained the same. Calm, neutral. They were crying, and why? Because of me. I felt numb. They cared, didn't they? I tried to comfort them, but the tears were persistent.

"It's, it's okay, guys it's okay..." I didn't want to get to the next part, the most terrible part. "Hanji says I've had it for a year, I just, I mean I just got symptoms. I can't go in for treatment, I've only got a few months, guys." I tried to get out any information I could, just to let them know.

"N-No, Eren, Eren, you h-have to you, you need to get better you need..." Armin was grasping for words, false words at that. He knew there was no hope. But I knew he was going to try his damn best to get me better.

"Armin... No, I-I can't, I just, I'll take meds but, it's too expensive, Armin. It's just too much and I don't, I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to get better. I'm just going to make the most of it."

Mikasa was still now, unmoving. She released her death grip on my arms, and her arms fell to her sides. She was whimpering now, repeatedly asking herself, "What are we going to do?"

A frown pulled at my lips. Sure, I wasn't exactly happy before, but now I was just, well, downright depressed. I had my two best friends, crying at my sides. I felt like crying too, but the tears just wouldn't come. I hated myself for that.

They knew it was hopeless. Just as I knew it. I'd go down to Hanji's in a bit, and get my meds. Maybe ask her exactly how long I have left. I didn't want my future to be hopeless, I didn't ask for this. But, there was nothing I could do now. No light in my darkness. No way out.

Except, maybe, Levi. Levi is special, and kind, and completely admirable. I don't know if it's just the way he acts or dresses, but I am totally drawn to him, in a way that I can't explain. I want to be able to act normally around him, for the first time, but then this bomb is dropped on me.

I think back to earlier today, when I first met him. It seemed like so long ago, but merely hours before, I was sitting alone in the lunch room. His eyes were cold, but it seemed like they brightened when he saw me. I don't know why he sat down with me, but if he had known, if we had both known, would he have done the same?

It seemed like hours had passed before Armin sniffled and sat up, his face red a blotchy. I don't know when Mikasa left, but apparently she had. I could faintly hear sobs from her room. She was practically, my sister, should I have been more sensitive? I don't know. I don't know much anymore, except for the fact that I'm dying, and it is inevitable.

Armin lets me go, but kisses me on the cheek before going to his room. I guess they both wanted me to have some alone time, given I hadn't really thought about this.

I frowned and just sat there, on my cheap couch, not wanting to move. Not wanting to talk. I wanted to just crawl into my bed and never leave.

But I knew, my time was short. And I wasn't going to half-ass my time left. No, I was going to make the most of this. Because that's just who I am, a fighter. I'm not going to give up, or give in. I'll get through it.

I took a deep breath, and mustered the strength to stand up and walk to the table. I pulled the notepad and pen on the table closer and started to write.

_Going to pick up meds from Hanji, I'll pick up some pizza. I'll be back in a while. Love you, Eren._

I walked to the door and grabbed the keys from their place, and headed out. I checked my back pocket, making sure my phone was in its rightful place. I got into the car and started it, backing out of the apartment parking lot.

We lived in a pretty big city, SoHo, New York, actually. Though, because of our, well, _my_ money issues, we live in a cheap place. The apartment isn't totally trashy, what with Armin cleaning up my messes, and it got us by. It was better than living on the streets, I suppose.We lived on the first floor of the short building, so we came and went quite often.

Anyway, I drove to the clinic, which was only a few miles from our complex. I pulled in, finding the parking sport closest to the door. I made my way inside, asking the lady at the front desk if I could see Dr. Zoe. She gave me some bullcrap about having to have an appointment made, but I was totally fed up with today that I just walked to Hanji's office. The nurse tried to stop me, but luckily, Hanji popped out of nowhere.

"I got him, Petra, he's my new favorite patient." She gave this Petra a warm smile before pushing me into her office, and gesturing for me to take a seat. I did so and she sat across from me.

She looked so vibrant and preppy, her dark hair pulled up into a ponytail. Her eyes sparkled from behind her glasses, and her smile was so white and happy.

"Sooooooo, Eren! How are you doing, my darling? I mean, besides the obvious, sorry, but other than that?"

"I, uhm, I'm okay. I met someone, today. Levi, I mentioned him on the phone? He's nice, I told him about this first."

I offered a warm smile, trying to avoid making Hanji cry. I knew she was acting extra preppy because of what she'd told me.

"Oh? Yes, yes, Levi. He's actually kind of mean, don't you think? Well, not mean, but I little blunt I guess. Doesn't let anyone get to close."

"Really? Yes, he is pretty grumpy, but, I like him," I said, my cheeks beginning to turn pink.

"Ah? Like, in that way? Aweeeee! You two are soooooo cute!" Hanji was beaming ever brighter, and it looked like it took all she had not to jump out of her chair. I

smiled at her, "How do you know him?"

"Ah, well, we met in France, a long while ago. He was just a mere tween then, I guess, I wasn't much older. But, I was on a trip with my friend, Erwin, and met him, at a bakery. A bakery! Of all places! But damn, he could bake. For such a small child, he made the best baked goods I've ever had."

She looked as if she could keep talking on and on about Levi's cooking, and of course I would've loved to hear about the punk I knew that baked cakes, but I really had to get to the point.

"Hanji, I need my meds? I don't know how this works or what they are but," I started, not really knowing where this was going.

"Ah, Eren, I can give you a prescription for the pain, the shortness of breath and such, and you can go pick it up, sound good?" I nodded my head, and she scribbled on some paper, handing it to me.

"It should be ready in an hour, so be careful until then. Have a good day, Eren!" She smiled wide, even though I could now see the worry in her eyes. I smiled back and headed out the door, paper in hand. I made my way back to the car, mind swimming with thoughts. These pills, I knew, would probably not work. Of course, it didn't hurt to try. I didn't notice my shortness of breath until Hanji mentioned it, and now it was taking everything I had to get deep breaths in.

I concentrated on the radio and drove to the pizza place. I pulled up and parked, then pulled out my phone.

**To: Grumpy Pants**

**Pizza for our first date? :)**


	5. Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi go out on their first real date. That's it.

I was trying to make the lightest of things, doing anything to distract myself from being perpetually sad. I had texted Levi, asking if he wanted to go to Pizza Hut. Levi had responded just a few moments later.

**From: Grumpy Pants**

_Sure, brat. I'll be right there._

I smiled to myself, then put my phone back in my pocket. I got out of my car, getting a seat in the restaurant.

I took my place at a high table that sat two people, and ordered a root beer for myself. You would not believe he day I'd had. I had found out I'd had leukemia for a year, and I had only a few months left. I had made Armin and Mikasa cry. I had made Levi sad.

 _Levi_.

I think I might've fallen in love with him from the start. When I first saw him, he was all I wanted. All I  _needed._  I was determined to have him, for as long as I lived.

 _Which won't be long._ A voice nagged in my head. I can't just walk into his life, just to walk out a few months later. I bit my lip. This has been the longest day of my life.

My stomach was starting to hurt with the lack of food. I checked the time. 6:31. I then realized I hadn't told Levi when to come. I had just assumed he would come. 

I sipped my drink and just stared down, trying not to think of the events that had transpired today. I grabbed a menu the waiter had left and flipped through it aimlessly.

I heard movement in front me, and Levi took his seat, taking the menu from me. 

He had gone home, I assumed, and put on some more piercings. He had a bar going through his eyebrow, and a couple rings in his ears. The had a septum piercing, which was silver with blue jewels. Holy shit.

I had never realized how feminine Levi looked. He had a sharp jaw, and of course, all of the piercings. But, as I observed his eyes, I noticed he wore eyeliner. 

Levi raised his eyebrows and his lips turned up slightly.

"You gonna order brat, or are you going to stare at me all night?"

"I'd rather stare at you, but sadly, my tummy needs attention." Levi flipped through the menu, and when the waitress came back, he ordered a sweet tea.

"Levi, I really like you, and I don't really know why..." I started, but Levi interfered.

"I know. I feel it too. It sounds so fucking cheesy and romantic, and that's not really my type, but I know. It's like, when I saw you, I just..." He trailed off.

"I'm sorry I dropped that on you. The, cancer part. I just met you today, and I don't want to scare you off but. I just, find myself drawn to you."

Levi raised a pierced eyebrow, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

"Well,  _that_ was cheesy." I just giggled at him. He smiled widely, and for a moment, the problems in my world were small, practically nonexistent. 

His teeth were perfectly white, and his smile was jaw dropping. It wasn't a practice smile, it was genuine, and truly happy.

The waitress came back, asking what we wanted to order. I didn't want to be mess in front of Levi, so I disagreed on hot wings. We settled on a large, pepperoni pizza.

"So, Eren. Tell me about yourself," he smirked.

I smiled before saying, "It's a long story."

"Well," he sighed, "we know our pizza won't be out for a while. I've got time. Besides, first dates are for getting to know people, right?"

I hesitated before beginning.

"Well, it's going to sound kind of sad, I mean I've gotten enough pity in my life. I've never been a very good student, I've only ever paid attention in my art class. Everything else just sounded so damn boring, but art is where I can really express myself, you know? Yeah, I'm cheesy as fuck, don't even get me started.

"Anyway, this is before I found out about... my problem. My mom also died from cancer, and my dad couldn't handle it, so he left. I know, it seems like the cliché, sad-teenager story, but that's just the way things turned out. So, I grew up without parents, though I already had Mikasa. We lived with Armin and his grandfather until we were old enough to pay for our own apartment.

"I'm a junior, this year. First day didn't go as well as planned, huh?" I shrugged, trying to hide the tears fighting their way out of my eyes.

"Eren," Levi started, but I stopped him.

"Levi, please. I'm just going to try and get through this fucking year. If I live that long, I suppose..."

"Don't. Don't you fucking dare talk like you're already dead. Eren, I believe everything happens for a reason. My life was going to shit in France, so I moved to get away from that. Now that I'm here, I don't want to go through that again. I can't. I'm going to make you as happy as I possibly can, because that's all you deserve." 

His face remained stoic throughout my speech and his. He still had his bored expression on his face, but his eyes were full of emotion.

I smiled sadly, about to change the subject, when our pizza arrived.

"Here you go!" 

The pizza was placed in front of us, steam rising from it. The waiter refilled our drinks and left. I took a sip of mine, plucking a slice of pizza from the boiling mass and dropping it onto my plate. Levi did the same, placing a napkin over his slice to soak up the grease. Ah, I see.

"My name is Levi, I've never really had much use for a last name. Mone lost meaning far too long ago. It's a bunch of shit that I won't get into now, but I will if you want me to later.

"I lived in France for most of my life, but I knew English. There we so many goddamn tourists, I picked it up easily. I just moved here a few months ago, as you already know. I'm a senior this year, and my favorite class is history. I find it so interesting, because it's all new to me.

"I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my life, but I'm hoping it has a bunch to do with you. Ha ha, laugh now, but I'd really like having you in my life. I love your eyes, and the way you talk about art. I like your messy hair, even though I'm a fucking clean freak. And, I want to kiss you, for every sweet thing you do."

My eyes had started to tear up at the last part, after I had chuckled. I reached for his hand, holding it on top of the table. I looked down, distracting myself by biting my slice of pizza.

Levi rubbed his thumb soothingly along my wrist. We changed the subject, talking about our favorite movies and places to go. We planned out places we would like to go for future dates, because we knew we had to pack everything into a few months.

We continued to eat and drink and talk until Pizza Hut closed, and we had to leave. 

Levi walked me out to my car, saying that he took a cab.

"I'll give you a ride, c'mon."

Levi protested, but I managed to get him in the front seat. He paid for dinner, the least I could do was drive him around in my crap car. 

I picked up my prescription before asking Levi where he lived.

"Where do you live?" I asked, looking over at him. He told me the proper directions and I followed them. I turned on the radio at some point, an All Time Low song came on, Therapy to be exact.

"Woooow. That's ironic." I started laughing, Levi looking over at me worriedly. 

"C'mon! It's funny!"

Levi looked taken aback, but joined me in the laughing. He was doing anything he could to distract me, and he was doing wonderfully. The song actually made me quite sad, but it also made me realize, that I wasn't going to spend my life in therapy. I was going to have fun, and I was going to have fun with this special person by my side.

No matter the number of days we had left.


	6. Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Eren eat breakfast; Mikasa forces them to sit with her friends at lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, right? I'm not sure, but I just got an iPad Air, so I thought, why not celebrate by shitting out another chapter? Anyhoo, I'm uploading my first YouTube video today, check it out!

Before Levi said his good night, he gave me a kiss on the lips. It was quick, but I loved every second of it.

I made my way home slowly, my mouth feeling a bit weird, and not from the kiss.

Once inside the apartment, I headed toward the bathroom, feeling a little nauseous. I'd had a perfect night with Levi, why ruin it with this sickness?

Mikasa and Armin must've been in their rooms, because I didn't see them.

I turned on the shower, stripping myself of my clothes and waiting for the water to heat up. I looked in the mirror, examining my mouth.

I had sores beginning to form on my gums and the inside of my lips, red and irritated. I ran my tongue over them, wincing at the sting. I drew back, and stared at my reflection. Pale. Skinny. Before getting into the shower, I pulled up a scale.

I stepped on. 132 pounds. I was 139 the last time I had checked. When did I lose weight?

I got into the shower then, washing my body. I basked in the smell, enjoying the steam in the small space. I reached for the conditioner, missing and knocking over some bottles. They landed on my feet, and damn they hurt like a bitch.

I picked up the bottles, shutting off the water and stepping out. I grabbed a towel a dried off. It was late, and I was fucking tired. But why did my feet hurt so bad? Sure, a bunch of bottles had just fallen on them, but I'm not that sensitive.

I took to the bedroom, changing into pajamas and flopping onto my bed. I fell asleep almost instantly.  
*  
I woke up extremely early, 6 am to be exact. Wow. 5 hours of sleep. Wonderful.

I couldn't fall bad asleep, so I just shuffled in my bed a bit before getting up. I made my way to the kitchen, pulling some pancake mix from a cabinet. It was then that I felt the sores in my mouth and the bruises on my feet.

They were purple and blue and yellow; a whole painted mess. It looked like someone had just run over my feet! I lifted them up and touched them, recoiling at the tenderness.

I powered through the nausea building up, and started on the pancakes. I got out the ingredients and some supplies. I let the stove heat up while I went back to my room to get my phone.

I sent Levi a text, a simple 'good morning'. He texted back instantly.

**From: Grumpy Pants**  
Good morning, brat. I have insomnia, so I've gotten just about half an hour of sleep.

**To: Grumpy Pants**  
Awe, will you be at school today?

As I waited for him to respond, I mixed the pancake mix and ingredients. I check the stove to make sure it was hot enough, and started to pour batter onto the pan. I left it for a minute while I checked my messages.

**From: Grumpy Pants**  
Yeah, yeah. I'll be there. It's only been one day, you've had a lot on your shoulders. Are you doing well?

I pondered over that. In the span of one day, I'd met the most amazing man, I'd found out I had cancer, and I'd gone on my first date. Things were good, except for the being ill part.

I told Levi what had happened last night, with the bottles, and how my feet looked this morning. I also mentioned the sores in my mouth, commenting on how disgusting I felt, and that he didn't have to bother with kisses today.

**From: Grumpy Pants**  
Brat, I'm gonna kiss you whether you like it or not. No matter how gross your mouth is. What're you doing up so early?

**To: Grumpy Pants**  
I'm making pancakes. Come over? c:

He didn't respond, but as I flipped the third pancake onto its plate, he knocked on the door softly. I opened it, only to be tackled by him. Levi held me close, peppering kisses onto my face and neck.

"Levi!" I whispered, scolding him. "It tickles!"

He looked down at my feet, and his eyes widened. He crouched, placing a soft hand on each bruised foot.

"Oh my god, Eren." The bruises looked even more disgusting, now that I was showing them.

"I'm okay, it just hurts a bit. But, I don't understand, I didn't even hit my feet that hard!"

Levi got back up, looking at me. "Eren, do you know about the side effects of leukemia?"

I pondered on that, and shook my head. "I mean, I know I was sick. Hanji said that was because my immune system wasn't working properly, or something?"

Levi nodded, "Yeah, it involves white blood cells, but the disease produces abnormal cells. It's also why you bruise so easily, and it'll take a while before they heal." He stopped for a moment, looking at my lips. "Open your mouth."

I hesitated, but parted my lips slightly. Levi cringed, but pulled my lips apart further.

My mouth was red and irritated, everything looked gross and infected, but it only hurt I little.

"Disgusting." I knew the word wasn't pointed directly at me, but at the disease. He went into my cupboards and grabbed a box of salt. I shook my head furiously, protesting violently, but he hushed me by shoving salt into my mouth.

And fuck if that didn't burn like hell. It did clean out the cuts, Levi said, washing the disgusting mineral out of my mouth. Once done, he dried my face.

He stopped, smiling widely. I grabbed his hand and led him to the stove, starting on another pancake.

Since it was so early, we didn't have to go to school for a while. I finished making the pancakes, serving myself and Levi some.

We ate slowly, making small talk about each other. Levi commented on my eyes, as he did every day, and I kissed his nose. We seemed so happy, like a normal couple.

But there was something lingering in my heart. I knew, that no matter how long I put up this facade, it would come crashing down. Levi's trying to break in, and of course, I want him to. But, I can't risk him getting hurt because of me.

I guess Levi noticed my shift in mood, because he placed his hand over mine. His eyebrows were furrowed, his lips pressed into a tight line.

"I'm fine," I croaked out, unwanted tears pricking at my eyes.

"Don't lie to me, Eren. You don't have to hide yourself from me. I'm right there, always. To listen and to support you."

"I just," I started, thinking over my words, "I can't help but feel like I'm b-burdening you with my shit. You deserve so much more. I-I'm a lost cause, Levi. You can't fix this, and I know you want to. B-But, I'm, I'm gonna die, I know it sounds dumb, but we're just going to wait it out, okay?"

"Eren," tears were streaming down his cheeks, and damn, I had never wanted to make this person cry. "Eren, I know. I've only known you for what, two days? But I'm just, I'm going to have to rush into this, because we can't waste any time."

I nodded in agreement. He was my first real relationship. Of course, I didn't want to rush things. But, it seemed I had no choice.

Levi got up, taking out plates and washing them in the sink. I was about to protest, but I knew he would just tell me to hush, because my cleaning wasn't half as good as his.

Armin walked out first. Fuck, I hadn't seen him since yesterday. When I told him.

He was a mess. No, mess didn't even begin to describe it. How could I have been so insensitive? My best friend, who had been there for me, all my life, just heard the news that I was dying. There were dark bags under his eyes, and his clothes and hair were disheveled. It looked like he hadn't slept, which, he probably hadn't.

I jumped from my seat instantly, Levi turning at my commotion. I wrapped Armin in a bear hug.

"I am so sorry, Armin. I should've stayed with you guys, I just went out to eat. I l-love you, Armin. I didn't mean to make you cry." I rubbed my hand on his back to soothe him, trying to keep his tears at bay.

Armin didn't say anything, just hugged me back and buried his face in the crook of my neck.

"It's okay, Eren. I know, you don't like facing things like this. It's more like you to get angry and run away," he breathed out in an amused tone. I pulled away from the hug, offering a smile.

Armin looked past me, towards Levi. "Who's this?"

I served Armin some pancakes, and I invited Levi to meet him. Levi was a bit cold, I noticed, with people other than me. Though, he managed to make Armin laugh, of course, by commenting on what I shitty brat I was.

It was almost time to get going when Mikasa stepped out, makeup and hair done. It was odd, she didn't do those things. Though, it was like her. She would throw herself in anything to distract herself, which I guess she was doing right now. She stalked over, trying her best to ignore us, grabbing the last pancake and eating small bites of it.

I grabbed her roughly and pulled her into a tight hug. She was still, unresponsive. It was a few moment of silence, Armin and Levi staring at us, until she finally moved her arms around me.

I put my cheek on her head and whispered my apologies. She didn't cry, just had a stoic face. I introduced her to Levi as well, whom she was not too happy about. She asked about where I went, and I told her about my date with Levi.

"We should get going," she said, ushering us to get dressed and pile into the car. Levi had driven, so I decided to tag along with him.

  
*

  
School was hell. Everyone kept asking why I looked like I had just crawled out of hell. Well, by everyone, I mean all of Mikasa's friends. At lunch, she had forced Levi and I to sit at her table, when we'd much rather have sat alone.

I was introduced to her friends. Let's start, shall we? First off, everyone was in a couple. There was Sasha, the redhead that ate so much of the cafeteria food that it blew my mind, who was dating Connie, the chatty one with the shaven head. They were nice, and we're obviously the laugh of the group.

Mikasa sat next to a blonde girl named Annie, who seemed a lot like Levi, in the sense of calling everyone an idiot. Still, Mikasa joked with her and held her hand. Hm.

Then, I saw the most pretentious asshole ever, who went by the name of Jean. He had this weird, light and dark brown hair, and a long face. He smiled like he was a fucking god, and sat next to a cute, tall boy named Marco. He had freckles on his cheeks, and smiled at Jean like he wasn't a fucking horse. Oh well.

I, of course, sat next to Levi. He was in all black, as per usual, and I was wearing a green flannel and hoodie. It wasn't cold, but I felt warm and safe in my hoodie next to this perfect man. His fingers danced with mine a few times, before settling on grabbing it under the table.

No one stared at Levi like he was a freak, a good thing. He had a different assortment of piercings on today, but no makeup. Good, he didn't need it. His face wasn't flawless, because when he smiled, it was crooked. I could tell he didn't like it, so I tried to make him laugh as much as possible, despite our situation.

I was still feeling tired. It wasn't just an 'I didn't get enough sleep' kind of tired, but more of a consistent nagging, constantly reminding me of my troubles.

I had trudged through the day, as usual, but no one took pity on me. Because nobody else knew. I figured I should let someone know, the principal, or something, but I didn't want to be a burden. I didn't want treatment, and I didn't want someone to waste their money on me.

Though, I feel like a hypocrite, because isn't that what I'm doing with Levi? Sure, I'm not taking money from him, but he is wasting his time, isn't he?

No, get that thought out of your head. You have to think positive. If you don't, you'll die mentally.

I was careful throughout the day, plastering on a smile and avoiding getting bruised.

By the end of the day, I had a shit ton of homework. The year had just started, fuck off.

Levi had a bit to do too, but he was smart, breezing through equations like he'd been doing it forever. I didn't know much about the French school system, I'd have to ask sometime.

We spent the evening working on homework, pulling up a Netflix show, and cooking dinner together. I put the illness out of my mind, focusing on reading my English book and eating the chicken and rice Levi had prepared.

Of course, the night had to come to an end, and we kissed and said our goodbyes.

"Eren, I, uhm, I have to say something," Levi started, but I had already known where he was going.

I shook my head, "Levi, I, I can't, I just, can't let you get attached, just to have your heart broken. It's not fair, to either of us."

Levi smiled softly, "Eren, from the moment I saw you, I just knew. It's been in my head, and it always will be. Even when you told me about the cancer, it grew even more. It's burned into my head. Eren, you're already stuck in my skin. I can't get you out, and I don't want to."

Tears burst forward, and I leapt into his arms. I could feel his fingers digging into my back, holding me like he planned to never let go.

And I didn't want him to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My YouTube channel: corporalfuckinglevi


	7. Mall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi takes Eren to the mall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry there hasn't been an update in a while! I've got essays to write

It's been a month.

A month since that day in the cafeteria. A month since Dr. Hanji had called, informing me of my condition. A month since I had met the love of my life.

Sure, I hadn't quite said the three magic words yet, but I thought them a whole lot. I was almost positive he felt the same way. Even though he knew about my leukemia, he was determined to be in my life.

Things were moving fast. I don't want to say things went back to normal, but they really did. Excluding the cancer part. 

I woke up, ate breakfast, bullshitted my way through school, hung out with Levi, ate dinner, went to bed. I was content with this for a while. My mouth sores were still gross, and some bruises did appear at random times on my body.

The downside of things being normal, was that I was the only thing out of place. I was sick. I was weak. It took all of my strength to get out of bed in the morning. Levi knew about this, so most mornings I'd text him, asking for him to come over.

He'd find me in bed, just laying there, exhausted from trying to get up. He'd come over, pull me into his arms, kiss me, and tell me it would all be okay. Then he'd help me get up and ready for school.

I could feel myself getting sicker. I researched leukemia, just so I would know what to expect. The Internet said the only treatment was chemotherapy, and I just wasn't willing to do that. I learned a lot from looking it up, though I had known the basics from my biology class.

Like how it's a cancer of the blood, and how my white blood cells are too high in number. And how, eventually, I wouldn't be able to fight off a simple cold. And that would be the death of me.

I felt so useless, and fragile, like a gust of wind would knock me over. I looked in the mirror every damn day, and saw the same, pale, dark-circled face. My eyes didn't shine the way they used to, I thought.

Though, whenever I saw Levi, I immediately felt happy, like my problems had just vanished. I don't understand how he was able to do so. 

One particular day, was extremely shitty.

It was third period, and already, I had been shit on by my teachers and classmates. I hadn't been paying attention in a majority of my classes, so it was no surprise when I discovered I was failing about half of my classes. 

I didn't stress, since I knew I would be dead in a little while anyway. But still, something nagged at me. Is this all I would leave behind? I would be remembered as that shitty kid that never did his work, the one who always got into fights, and the one who lost his temper nearly three times every day.

So, when I passed Levi in the hall, he pulled me aside.

"What's wrong?" He looked just about ready to cut someone's throat. My face was set in a pissed off expression, and my hands were clenched into fists. Shit.

"Just a shitty day, Levi. I've gotta get to class," I tried pushing past him, but his grip tightened. I winced at the gesture, and he loosened his hand. Damn, that would leave a mark.

He didn't say anything, but after a moment of peering into my eyes, he pulled me outside of the building.

"Levi! Hey! What are you doing? We can't skip class!"

"Just watch us, kid. What the hell are you so worried about?"

"Well, I'm failing half my classes, and I can't fucking stand being in the same room as Jean and my teachers."

Realization took over Levi's features then. "Ah, so that's why you're pissed." I was about to continue to yell, but we had made it to his car. He shoved me inside, and took his place at the wheel.

My outburst was starting to take its toll on me; I felt exhausted, leaning back in my seat. Levi looked over, starting the car.

"Text your friends, we'll be home late."

*

Levi drove for about twenty minutes, before finally stopping at the mall. He drove into the parking lot, choosing a space furthest from the rest of the cars. I looked over at him, confused as to why we had stopped here, of all places.

He ignored my look, instead, getting out and walking around the car to pull my door open. He offered me his hand, and I raised my eyebrows before taking it. He pulled me up, closing the door behind me.

Levi cocked his eyebrow and slid out of the car, leaving me no choice but to follow.

What he did next, well, it was quite surprising. 

Levi got into a squatting position in front of me, facing away. I widened my eyes, not understanding.

"Hurry up you shitty brat, I can't have you fainting while we shop." Oh, shit.

I awkwardly shifted myself onto his back, and he stood up, making me sway. I regained my balance, wrapping my legs tightly around his small body. How could someone this small carry me?

His arms wrapped around my legs, and I held onto his shoulders. I was still quite taken aback by his actions, but decided to go with it.

He didn't complain the whole time, carrying me all the way to the entrance and inside.

"Where do you want to go first, my love?" He asked, amusement lingering in his tone.

"Hm," I thought, "let's go there!" I felt like a child, pointing towards the mattress store.

"Oh, no," Levi muttered, before smirking and making his way to the store of clouds.

I rode happily atop Levi's back, my smile ceasing to falter. We ignored the looks we got from passerby, and just laughed and talked to each other.

Once inside the mattress store, Levi ninja-ed his was around, avoiding cameras and employees. The mattress store was fairly empty, so Levi plopped me down on the softest bed he could find. I bounced for a bit, giggling and pulling Levi close for a kiss.

Levi got up onto the bed, pulling me up, and then started to jump. Of course, someone was bound to see us, but we really couldn't care less. As Levi hopped from one mattress to another, I couldn't help but follow.

It wasn't until we got scolded for doing so that we left, me back on Levi's back.

"You could put me down if I'm hurting you," I said about three times an hour, but Levi always refused. He would shift me around, but would continue to carry me.

It was about 3 o'clock when we stopped at the food court, Levi ordered us Chinese. Of course, I didn't have much of an appetite these days, but he was paying, so I was eating.

"This," Levi started, "is our second date." He smirked, watching realization spread over my features. I smiled, leaning forward across the table to kiss his cheek.

After our meal, Levi offered to buy me some clothes. Of course, being me, I declined, but he insisted. I knew I wasn't going to be around long enough to wear all other the clothes he bought me more than once.

He bought me lots of flannels, colors like greens and browns, because he said they suited me best. He bought me a few vests and dark jeans, too. I felt bad that he paid so much for me, but he didn't seem to mind.

"Hey, Levi," I started, getting his attention, "where do you work?" Ah, I had always wondered. Where else would he get money?

"Well, I work part time as a waiter in a small diner. I knew you'd be wondering how I've been able to afford these clothes." 

"Well, you're going to have to take me there, for our third date," I smiled at him.

"Will do, Jaeger."

There was a few moments of silence before Levi spoke again.

"Listen, Eren. Do you have a bucket list?"

I pondered on that thought. A bucket list? I'd never really thought about it. Though, of course it made sense now.

"No, I don't think I do..."

"Ah! Well, we're just going to have to make one then!" I smirked, he sounded awful cheery. I loved him for that.

Wait, loved?

Yes. I was in love with Levi, undoubtedly, at this point. The way he saved his laughter and smiles just for me, the way he dressed, his sarcastic shit jokes, his beautiful face and body. 

The way he cared about me.

I shook my head, focusing on what Levi was saying.

"What's something you want to do, that your parents or friends never allowed you to do?"

I thought for a moment.

"Uhm, rob a bank? Or maybe steal something, I mean I never had much growing up."

Levi nodded his head. "Alright then, we'll do that."

My eyes widened. "Levi! We're not robbing a bank!"

"No, you asshat, I meant to steal something. Sure, it's illegal, but it could be fun."

I gaped at him. 

"What? I just wanna, you know, do stuff that makes you happy." I blushed furiously at that, taking his hand in mine. I chewed my lip.

"Let's do it."


	8. Polish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi steal some nail polish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends! It's been a while, huh? It's summer, so I'm being kind of lazy. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

It was a bottle of nail polish. Pink, to be exact.

Levi and I had casually strolled into one of those girly stores, you know, the ones overloaded with fluff and perfume? Yes, and Levi insisted we check out the nail polish.

Now, I wouldn't have been fine with stealing in the first place, but it didn't seem like anyone would miss this horrid, bright color.

I tried my best to suppress my giggle as Levi pulled me along, ducking behind shelves and making sure the coast was clear of ten-year-old girls.

We finally came to the nail polish section, a small and crowded section of the store. Levi looked at me expectantly, so I shuffled through the small containers. Levi looked around, trying his best to be casual, to which he was failing at.

Levi leaned over slightly, whispering, "Pink." Oh dear lord, no. Levi raised his eyebrows, hiding his smile. I sighed, turning back to the rack and selecting a cotton candy pink.

The girls running the register were too focused on the juicy gossip spilling from another girls lips to notice me slip the bottle into my pocket. Levi's eyes widened and we browsed the shop a bit longer to look as inconspicuous as possible.

Finally, we left the store, praying no alarms went off. They didn't.

Levi seemed to be extremely excited, because he would't stop bouncing around. He hugged me and kissed me told him how proud of me he was, of course in a sarcastic tone. We laughed and spent the rest of our time at the mall fucking around on escalators and ordering food.

By the time we got back to Levi's car, the sun was already setting. 

"C'mon," Levi gestured, jumping up onto the hood of his car. My eyes widened, but I followed suit. We sat there for a while, me texting Mikasa and him pulling up some music to play.

We didn't talk much, just sat and enjoyed each others presence. Eventually, as I knew it would, Levi slipped his hand into my pocket, revealing the horridly colored polish.

My shoulders slumped, and Levi grinned like a kid in a candy store.

"First robbery, and now first time having his nails painted bright pink," Levi chuckled, opening the bottle and grabbing my hand.

"Leviii," I whined. He ignored my protests and began to paint my nails, to which I just reveled in the peace and gentleness of his hands.

"How're you feeling?" he asked me, his tone serious. He didn't look up from my nails, but I looked at him.

"About the polish?" I joked. His face turned somber.

I sighed. "Levi, I'm okay, just tired. We had a long day, didn't we? I drank plenty of water and took my meds."

He finally looked at me. I almost started bawling at the tears in his eyes.

"No, no, no, Levi please, please don't cry. I'm doing fine, don't you see? We had a wonderful day and I'm just tired is all."

By this time, Levi had finished painting my fingernails, perfectly at that, and was letting them dry. "I just worry about you, mon amour."

I quirked a side smile, leaning down to plant a kiss on his forehead. Inside, I was crying. It hurt, this disease. But it was nothing compared to the pain I was causing Levi. Why had I thought it as okay to let him into my life? I would only end up causing him pain, would I not?

Levi seemed to notice how down my face had started to look, slipping the bottle back into my pocket and pulling me into a gentle hug. Whenever he had grabbed me too hard earlier, light bruises would begin to form. He always apologized and kissed them, but I told him it was fine.

It's not fine, though. I didn't want him to have to be careful around me all the time. I wanted him to hug me as tight as he could and tickle me until my sides hurt. Now it felt like he was worried he would break me.

"Do you want to do anything else tonight?" he whispered into my ear. I shook my head, signaling how tired I was.

We finally slipped off the car and took our seats inside, Levi starting up the engine.

The drive home was comfortable, but silent. When Levi finally pulled up to my apartment, he gently pulled me towards him. He nipped at my lips a bit before taking me into a deep kiss. I, of course, hadn't been kissed like that before, but it was nice coming from Levi. His tongue traced the inside of my mouth, while I did my best to copy his movements. To which, I failed. It was awkward, but I loved every second.

When he finally pulled away, his bangs were messy and in his face, and my cheek were on fire.

"Goodnight, Eren," he said to me. I smiled, forgetting all of my problems for one second, and just said my goodbye.

Before I could close the door to his car, he called to me.

"Oh, and Eren? Any time you feel sad, or just, lost, aside from calling me, just put another coat of that polish on." I smiled a bit, staring at him with loving eyes.

"Will do, Levi." And with that, I made my way inside, turned at the door just long enough to see him drive away.


	9. Hair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inside of Eren's head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short, but I'm starting on another fic to get the writing juices flowing ;) Enjoy~

Levi didn't come over for the next few days. He had been assigned to work extra hours at work, so I didn't get to see him. I would get a text here and there, just checking up on me. I told him each time I was fine, but I really wasn't. I was not about to spill my feelings over text.

That is, until Armin pointed something out.

"Eren?" he asked, making me turn towards the kitchen from my position on the couch.

"Yeah?"

"Uhm," he started, "have you noticed the amount of hair you've been leaving around the apartment?"

I pondered that for a moment, then slowly getting up from the couch. I made my way over to the medicine cabinet, where I kept the medicine Hanji had prescribed. It said it there, on the label, that hair loss could occur. Damn.

So, even without the chemotherapy I should be undergoing, I was still going to lose my hair. I reached up and pulled at it then, a lot more than usual appeared in my hand. Fuck. Armin comforted me then, hugging me and telling me how everything was going to be okay. 

Except it wasn't going to be okay. Not ever again. It was already too late for me. If I had gone to the doctor sooner, maybe I wouldn't be pushing my friends to the breaking point. This was my fault, wasn't it? All those times Mikasa said to take better care of myself. I should have listened.

I told Armin this, and he just continued to let tears fall from his eyes. "You couldn't have known," he would say. "It isn't your fault."

But it was my fault. It would always be. I should just drop everything and leave, I know I should. Spare Levi the heartache. Let my friends live on without me. 

But Levi, no. I couldn't leave him. He had done so much for me these past few weeks than anyone had ever done for me before. Not that Armin and Mikasa didn't do anything for me, but they were always busy. They didn't have much time for me anyway. They would just distract themselves more now, trying to avoid looking me in the eye. Mikasa did this more than Armin, but Armin worked and Mikasa actually did something productive with her life.

Not me. I should've spent more time doing outrageous things. Now my time is up. I'm just hoping that they'll move on without me. Mikasa could get a scholarship for her sports, and we all already knew Armin was going to be a doctor. I had nothing set out for me.

I did have Levi, though. As much as I didn't want to be attached to him, I was latched onto him like a leach. I was fine with that, but I wasn't sure if he was. What if I was just dragging him down? Sure, he said he didn't have anything planned either, but I knew he could do something productive. What did I have? A couple of weeks?

Damn it, Eren! Get that thought out of your head! You are going to be fine. Sure, you're dying, but what else is new, right? You will have fun. You will get to spend time with Levi, and, and Armin, and, uhm, Mikasa, and... and... and...

I couldn't think clearly anymore. This whole time Armin had gotten sick of crying and went to shower, getting ready for his shift. I slid down onto the kitchen floor, hugging my knees. No tears came. My head was swirling with heartache and confusion. I stared at the wall in front of me. Just stared.

I couldn't do much else. I was tired. My body felt heavy. I was exhausted. Don't forget frustrated, right? I was angry at myself for getting this cancer. For bothering my friends with it. For not being sad about it. Did I have no feelings at all? Why the hell didn't I care more? What the hell is wrong with me?

Then, I realized. Sure, this would be a big impact on Armin, Mika, and Levi as well. It would also affect all of my friends' friends, because they would be the ones comforting the mourners.

But not me. I would be dead. Gone. Ripped from the earth by some disease. And you know what? I was fine with that. I didn't have much of a life to live anyway. I figure I'd just wait it out. Death couldn't be too bad, could it?

**Author's Note:**

> Where to find me!
> 
> Instagram: @corporalfuckinglevi  
> Tumblr: jordynkiefer.tumblr.com  
> Twitter: @jordyntherese


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